Tupiza to Uyuni: Dinner for Two

Once upon a time, Che Maloney and Che Keillor embarked on a bike tour that lead them to the beautiful land of Bolivia. Both had assumed Bolivia, all of Bolivia that is, was an ‘altiplano,’ giving little consideration as to how it came to be so high. Certainly Che Keillor (having already climbed quite high in Northern Argentina) envisaged a long, vast plateau from border to border, kind of like an odd shaped dinner plate. 

As the pair crossed the border it soon became evident that of all the 3 maps they had of Bolivia, not one was worth the paper it was printed on. One map placed Tupiza 30 kms from the border, an easy enough ride. The other map placed Tupiza directly next to a small town called ‘Mojo’, and the 3rd map showed Tupiza on an entirely different road. None of this made much sense and despite that, the duo continued to consult all 3 maps religiously. After cycling 71kms on the first day and passing Mojo long ago, they realised that Tupiza was either further than the 30kms indicated on the first map, or that the 3rd map was right and they were on the wrong road. The pair continued unfazed because the undulating valley road surrounded by beautiful mountains was a pleasant surprise. The mountains continued to rise up around them and Che Keillor exclaimed, “I had no idea Bolivia had mountains,” to which Che Maloney replied, “I know, I thought it was flat with isolated mountains here and there!”

Little did they know how mountainous it was going to become. After finally reaching the promised lands of Tupiza (90km from the border) and being treated to the best Bolivia had to offer (so far), they made their way out of the bustling little city, presumably towards Uyuni. They continued to consult their 3 worthless maps and followed the road straight out of town, because there were no street signs saying otherwise. After consulting the maps one more time, they decided to keep going and descend down the other side where they discovered they were on the wrong road. They had just climbed 14kms straight up (with absolutely no downs, not even a flat section), and descended 5km down the other side. They were forced to return to Tupiza— a 38km round trip! 

Of course they should have known that the sign for Uyuni would be 500 meters AFTER the dusty dirt road turn off! 

It wasn’t until the next day that Che Keillor and Che Maloney really discovered that Bolivia IS NOT one big, flat, high altitude dinner plate. As they rolled up to the base of a mountain, they stared in horror at the road snaking its way to the top. “That’s gonna take us all day,” gasped Che Keillor. “Yep, poco by poco,” replied Che Maloney. And so they began the climb. 

Sure enough it was long, slow and hard, but they got to the crest in good time. “Just around the corner,” Che Maloney declared with a hint of pride at the job well done, for it had not taken the whole day after all. 

Back on the bikes they climbed over the crest and somehow, as if by magic, the road continued to climb. There certainly wasn’t any evidence of higher mountains resting behind the one they’d just climbed, but yet the road and the mountains they wound around just kept coming. Up. Up. Up. As if reaching for the sky above. As each bend in the road revealed another climb, the duo continued to push their bikes up the ‘never ending’ mountains that seemingly appeared out of thin air. Five hours of pushing bikes up steep mountains, at over 4500 meters in altitude, took its toll and Che Keillor could not go on. Her heart was beating out of her chest and Che Maloney was not far behind physically and emotionally, though she was always a few feet ahead on the mountain. With darkness coming in quick and the wind whipping sand all about, the two found a suitable-ish camp alongside a gravel mound, on the side of the road, overlooking a valley far below. 

You don’t need NO maps to get lost in Bolivia. You can do it with one, or better yet, 3! And let it be told that there is nothing flat about the south of Bolivia. Well, not until you’ve climbed the mysteriously endless mountain roads that appear out of nowhere and essentially wind around in circles, until you have no idea which direction you are facing or where you are, with or without 3 maps. And then, alas, welcome to the dinner plate of Bolivia’s altiplano!

Be xx

  

(-7, Celsius)